Pain Is A Teacher

Psychotherapy is a learning process. The client teaches the psychotherapist about their uniquely individual personality, experience and way of subjectively perceiving themselves and their world. The therapist teaches the client about how to use mental and behavioral strategies to better understand themselves and relieve their suffering. The client’s suffering is itself a teacher, using physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain to reveal the client’s unmet needs, damaged functioning, undeveloped strengths and unrealized achievements. So, pain is our teacher and here are some of the lessons it has taught me while working with sufferers of chronic pain.

Chronic pain restricts our mobility and tends to isolate us from others. When the pain is intense it can overpower our thoughts and feelings, leaving us unable to act. Pain takes away yesterday’s strengths, roles, and goals, leaving a vacuum that challenges us to reinvent ourselves. Chronic pain can sometimes make our life seem meaningless, leaving us depressed, discouraged, anxious and hopeless. When we try hard to push our self to keep doing what we used to do, the pain punishes us for trying to do too much. Sometimes we overdo it anyway, because that’s the only way we can preserve the sense that our life has value and meaning. Chronic pain sufferers often compare themselves to what they used to be able to do, which leaves them feeling inadequate. Pain is hidden and difficult to locate and repair. Family, friends and even professionals sometimes think chronic pain sufferers are lying or exaggerating, which can be very frustrating and discouraging. Chronic pain creates a loss not only for the pain sufferer, but also for their family and friends. Pain sometimes takes us to the brink of despair, leading us to contemplate the value of our life.

There are no easy answers to any of these challenges, but I’ve learned that wherever there is crisis, there are also lessons and opportunities. Pain has taught me that we must measure ourselves not only by what we do, but also by what we think and how we communicate. Mental work is just as important as physical work, so if we cannot DO something, maybe we can work at learning and teaching instead. If we cannot work anymore, maybe we can be more present in the lives of our family members, sharing with them what we know and supporting them. When we cannot do something for ourselves, we can learn the value of humility and ask for the help of others. When we feel lonely, unsupported and misunderstood by others, we can learn to more effectively stand up for ourselves (assertiveness), communicate and find solutions to our problems, instead of just giving up and doing nothing.

Pain has also taught me that mental and emotional strength trumps physical strength. Those who are mentally optimistic and flexible, as well as emotionally tough will adapt to loss of physical abilities more readily. Those with good emotional support from family and friends can cope with pain better than those who are socially isolated. Those whose self esteem depends exclusively on their physical abilities will find it more difficult to compensate for their losses by developing other skills. Many chronic pain sufferers have hidden talents and abilities which they would never have developed , unless the strengths they previously relied upon were taken away from them.

We all have the power to create new goals and plans for ourselves. We have the power to think and say and do things that we’ve never done before. This power to step out of our habits and respond to life in an original, inventive manner is what defines human beings at the highest level. So we can reconsider our initial impressions, revise our plans, redefine our priorities and reinvent ourselves in a way that accepts pain as a part of our lives. Our creative power allows us to find alternative ways of getting things done. As creators, we can transform our anger with what chronic pain has done to us into determination to make sure that our lives make a positive difference in the world. Chronic pain encourages us to rely less on what others may think of us and rely more on what we think of ourselves. Pain has taught me that we must show the same kindness and compassion to ourselves that we show to others with physical limitations. The double-standard of being harder on ourselves than we are on others, must be rejected. If it takes longer for a chronic pain sufferer to complete a task, or if they cannot do the task at all, this does not make that person any less deserving of his own or our respect and kindness. So, pain invites us to become more compassionate with ourselves and others.

The reality is that it is a lot easier to get injured than it is to heal. Chronic pain due to accidents in automobiles and the workplace result in loss of employment, bankruptcies, years of medical appointments, marital distress, and reduced academic achievement for children. “Chronic” means that the pain will probably never get better or disappear, unless there is a major medical breakthrough. In many cases our health care system cannot make the pain go away, so we must do everything possible to prevent these injuries from ever happening. But when they do happen we must remember that the way we behave with chronic pain sufferers defines what kind of human beings and society we are. We must help them to restore and retain their dignity, as well as offering as much assistance as possible for them to still be valued for what they can still do for themselves, their families and their communities.

Finally, chronic pain has taught me that it is best managed by integrating a combination of different professional approaches. A psychologist can help by teaching the client to think positively about themselves and using techniques like relaxation, meditation, communication and problem-solving skills. A psychologist takes the time to listen to the client when they discuss how pain affects their lives. But this information should also be shared with the other professionals treating the client—the physician prescribing medications; the physiotherapist or massage therapist treating the muscles; and the specialists diagnosing and treating the causes of the pain. When professionals integrate their efforts by sharing their findings with each other, the client feels more understood and validated. This encourages the client to do everything they can to help themselves and releases the healing power that resides within all of us.

Because chronic pain is multidimensional, professionals are beginning to recognize that effective evaluation and treatment requires a variety of approaches, including complimentary and alternative treatments. The next ten years has been designated as the “Decade of pain control and research” by the U.S. government. The integrative approach promises to be one of the leading strategies for setting new standards in professional care and improving the quality of life for chronic pain sufferers. Mind-body therapies include cognitive behavioral therapy, imagery, relaxation and meditation, as well as some complimentary and alternative medical approaches. Visit www.healingchronicpain.org or www.integrative.ca for further information.